i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
