Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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