this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
