Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drake has all the answers
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
