we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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