my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
