Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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