Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
