Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
