a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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