I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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