i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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