I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
