you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
