They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
