Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I understand Curling. That high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
