im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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