Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
