Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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