I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
