I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Success! We fucked roommates!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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