people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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