wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
