Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
