Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize