Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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