I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
