my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
