Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
