The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
