I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
