She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
