Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
