I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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