The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
