I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
