I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
