Whod you bang
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
