Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
