Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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