They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize