i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
