we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
