well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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