He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
