I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
