she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
