____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
