Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
