I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Are we still banned from the library?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
