I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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