it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
