May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
