after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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