like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
