It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
