he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
