After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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