So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
