I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This toilet bowl is my home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
