I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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