I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
