I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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