When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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