cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
