If i come over, it means nothing
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
