A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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