I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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