I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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