I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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