And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
