i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
