I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
