My liver just broke up with me...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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