I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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