3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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