Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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