Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
